Long time no post

So: here’s a revelation.

I haven’t lost any weight.

I’d still like to but–I can’t do it. I can’t punish myself. Going on stupid calorie-restricted diets is not a viable long-term solution. Hell, it even backfires in the short-term. I end up feeling depressed, and I lash out and I end up bingeing. And then I fast to make up for it, lather, rinse, repeat.

I have to not hate myself.

I went to see my dietician on the weekend. I asked about the 5:2 diet. She said “That can be beneficial for people who consistently overeat. That is not your problem. You do overeat, but it’s inconsistent and interspersed with fasting. You have to learn to eat normally, and you have to eat that way for the rest of your life. You have to get out of the diet mindset.”

We were talking about treats and she said “Be honest. If your diet consists mostly of treats, how do you feel?” and I flashed back to the uncomfortably full, headachey blerghy feeling.

I’ve had a couple of health scares lately. Blood pressure that’s too high (turned out to be stress).

I do have to be calorie AWARE. I have to have an idea of how many calories I’m eating, but it shouldn’t be my main focus.

At the moment, I’m just focussing on eating three meals a day, as unprocessed as possible. I’m trying to keep my meat intake around 100 or so grams a serve.

I’ve had the mantra “Just make better choices” going through my head. Instead of mayo, I put mustard on my roll. Half my plate is vegetables. I went to the supermarket and they had fresh-squeezed orange juice which smelled awesome. So I bought a whole orange and ate that.

Once a month at work, we have zaatar for breakfast. It’s a lebanese pizza-ish bread sprinkled with salt, oregano and sesame seeds. It’s very tasty, but low in protein and a little higher in calories than I’d usually aim for.

I had a protein shake before coming in, and I had my zaatar. And I had soup for dinner.

R. (dietician of awesome) assured me that eventually my hunger WOULD direct how I ate. That if I continued having three meals of around that size, that eventually my body would respond. I’m not sure, but I guess I’ll see.

Small victories. The other night I’d not eaten all day apart from a slice of cake. I was feeling headachey and nauseated, but not hungry.

I had soup in the fridge. I ate it and felt better. Baby steps, I guess.

Prepping food turned out to be a big issue for me. Because it DOESN’T always happen and then I go into a tail spin. I have to be able to eat food when I’m buying takeaway and still make good choices.

I’ve discovered that I CAN make better choices. Instead of having goat’s cheese AND meat on my roll, I just have lean deli meat. Instead of buying a HUGE, dense, white bread ciabatta, I buy a smaller wholegrain roll and stuff it with salad.

I’ve signed up for personal training because if I make a commitment, I will actually go. I’m still doing ballet.

I’ve lost a kilo over the last month, and I’m pleased, but I’m trying not to make it my focus. I want to be able to run 5km. I want to be able to do sautes in ballet without my ankle hurting.

Day by day. Not a focus, just the way things are.

Now I need to go buy my wholegrain roll, some salad and roast beef.

  1. You have learned something that most people never learn. That dieting doesn’t work. That depriving yourself doesn’t work because its not sustainable over long periods of time. That’s why people yo yo, but if they do what you are doing and listen to their body and make better choices they will lose the weight but not only that, they will be HEALTHIER! It’s about positive lifestyle changes to make you overall healthier not just looking like it while inside dying for a piece of cake. When I figured this out it was freeing. Its a long process and can be slow but I can tell you its worth it. Overall I am down 139 lbs and 96 of that came off since November 2012. I’ve had my ups and downs but I get back on track and eating healthy because eating horribly just makes me feel horrible.

    And the personal trainer decision was the best one I ever made. I’m okay with cardio on my own but resistance training is tough. So my trainer pushes me and because of him I am stronger and have more muscle than flab. I still have flab but you can see muscle. Also, I have a shape. I love the new me’s healthy.

    Congratulations on taking the right steps. You will get there! Baby steps are still steps in the right direction šŸ™‚

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