Sometimes the hardest thing is waiting.

I’m having difficulty with the holding pattern that my injured ankle has created. I try to balance my food and exercise (being of scientific bent, it’s easier for me to treat weightloss as a purely scientific matter. It also leads to marginally less in the way of brain-weasels attacking me, and ensures I don’t do anything stupid like starve myself) and I eat back (an estimation of) whatever calories I exercise.

Because I can’t really exercise for very long or intensely at the moment, I’m having difficulty with balancing my food intake. I usually have difficulty eating enough calories to balance my exercise and keep my weight loss to ~1kg a week (losing more than that is usually either water, or, more worryingly, the body starting to catabolise muscle, which is NOT what I want.) However, my hunger feels like it’s gnawing at me and it’s really hard not to either just ignore it, which leads to me not eating when I need to, or just saying “fuck it” and eating lots of hind-brain satisfying salt and fat.

The other difficulty is, because I have gained a little due to the three week tantrum, the scales are up. Usually I can ignore that because I plot the trend, but the trend isn’t down at the moment. I know it’ll take time to catch up with eating properly again, but sticking with it is really hard at the moment.

I have to wait until my ankle is healed. I know I do. It’s just that it’s slow, and it hurts and why can’t I have what I want NOW? I’m prepared to work for things (see: sensible long-term weight loss), but it’s really hard when I feel that things are out of control.

I hate waiting.

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