Being honest is hard

I had a friend contact me and say he appreciated my honesty about my weight. That I had “inspired” him.

I don’t feel inspirational. Mostly, I don’t feel like anything except a big old tired mess.

I injured my ankle on Sunday night. It’s still swollen and is turning all kinds of colours that skin should not be. I’m in pain, still. I went to Emergency because I thought it might be broken. The doctor’s opinion was a torn ligament. (Not that he would actually know. X-Rays only show bone fractures.)

At first, I didn’t eat because I got stressed. Then I ate junk, also because I got stressed. Then yesterday I did a half-decent effort at making good choices. Instead of getting a large bread roll and blowing out my calories completely, I got a packet of small wraps. I got roast beef from the deli and salad. I also got goat’s cheese, which–what the hell. It would have fitted into my calories.

Then I found the almond crisps at the supermarket.

I won’t even record the rest of the day. It basically involved binging on almond crisps and bread and not eating dinner.

The thing is, I have to recover from this. The scales have gone up, yes, but it’s only one day. What’s harder is not letting one day become two become a week become “why did I ever think I could do this?”

Today, I had a wrap and some goat’s cheese that I didn’t need. I was hungry, lunch was delayed (fire drill.) But that’s ok. It doesn’t blow my whole day out of the water. If I am careful not to twist my ankle, I think I can go for a walk tonight.

So, I  move on. It’s all I can do. I still want the goal of being a healthy weight. I’m still tired from four days of unhealthy food–but the way to stop that is not to eat more unhealthy “quick-fix” sugary, fatty food, it’s to start eating healthily again and wait for my body to catch up.

It doesn’t matter how many times I fall over on the way. So long as I continue to pick myself up and try to move forward, that’s the thing that counts.

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  1. So sorry you’re having a tough time of it as well! I’ve pulled all the ligaments out in my foot before, so I know you’re in some decent pain! We all have those times when we will fall off the wagon. It’s getting back on that will make us stronger. We’re in this together, kid!

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